Depression

Hey guys,

So as you can tell, the topic of this update is depression, so here goes. 


At the moment I guess I'm not in the best of places my self, but I'm not fully at my worst. When I am at my worst I won't want to leave my room, never mind my house. I lose interest in the things that would usually distract me or keep me going, and nothing sounds more appealing to me than being curled up in bed listening to music, away from the rest of the world. I lose all desire to do anything and avoid as much communication as possible. Usually I just feel like I need to be left alone to get through it by myself and have the time I need, but that way it can become very easy for me to get stuck in this rut that it takes me a while to get out of. I know sometimes a bit of encouragement and support can go a long way, but it's hard for me to listen to and appreciate any positive advice and what other people think I should do, because I seem to go into this defensive mode where the "No one understands me, or cares" and the "Everyone's against me" thoughts seem to go around in my head. 

Usually putting on a front in public is something I'm pretty used to if I'm honest, but when I'm at my worst that itself just doesn't seem possible. If I have to leave the house when I'm feeling this way I have very teary eyes, I feel tense, insecure and just horrible. It's the worst feeling I've experienced along side panic attacks. 


 Fortunately, though I have a pretty much non existent social life, I do have a family who care and try to support me, and have been doing so for years. Even if sometimes I can't see it and I just think their complaining and pushing me into things, I know they're doing it for my own good. And I appreciate that in my own way once I come out of the other side of it, however long that may take. There's just a lot of differences of opinions, and them constantly wanting to do what's best for me that sometimes makes us clash. I don't suppose it's nice for them seeing me go through some of the things I have been through, but sometimes it feels like they need to remember its not been great for me being the one actually going through it either. 

A majority of the time I just think that my room is my comfort zone, where I feel safe and at ease, so why should I have to leave it? But I have realised that sometimes it can be for the best. Sometimes, with support and encouragement, you just need to try and push yourself out of this, get back on your feet and keep trying. Sure, take the time you need to help yourself feel better, but don't become too comfortable and too afraid to try and help yourself to get well again, I've done it enough myself. And nothing good has come from it. In fact I do it almost every time. I take some time for myself, and that time just doesn't seem to end, I get too comfortable in staying in this little bubble I have at home and don't see any point in changing it. I just keep telling myself that I need more time, which doesn't solve anything, it's just a hard habit to change. 


Some of the signs and symptoms of Depression; 

~ Trouble sleeping; can't get to sleep, keep waking up, difficulty getting up. 
~ Finding it difficult to concentrate and focus on tasks. 
~ Strong feelings of being hopeless and helpless. 
~ Over eating or complete loss of appetite. 
~ Complete loss of interest in things that you would usually enjoy. 
~ Find it hard to control negative thoughts and emotions. 
~ Feeling more irritable, short tempered, aggressive, or restless than usual. 
~ You have thoughts that life is not worth living; Self-harm and suicidal tendencies.  
~ Consuming more alcohol than normal or engaging in reckless behaviour. 
~ Reoccurring worries that you're going crazy or mad. 


If you have been experiencing any of the above for a while with no change you could be suffering with a form of Depression. Please don't just "put up with it" seek professional guidance and advice. 


I understand not everyone is receiving support. Which is partly the reason for me setting up my blog and email, to give support to those of you who don't get it anywhere else. You're going through a hard enough time as it is, without not having someone to talk to. Everyone falls down every now and then and just needs someone to help pick them up, that's what I'm here for. And remember, you're not as alone as you may think ♡













"Have I gone mad?"
"I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."


~ Alice and The Mad Hatter 

General Anxiety

Hey guys,

In this update I'll just be talking a bit about my general anxiety towards things and how it can affect my life and everyday tasks. And also a bit about some symptoms of anxiety disorders. 

In the blog before this I spoke a bit about my social anxiety, my triggers, and the affect it's had on my life so far. My social Anxiety only became more noticeable and obvious around the time I was in year 10 at school. Anxiety as a whole however, I've been experiencing since quite a young age. I would say from the age of about 8/9. It started off as separation anxiety, which just seemed to develop, which I will speak more about in another update. But since that age I've been quite an anxious person, with a fair amount of worries and fears. 

The general anxiety I experience can include excessive worrying over a range of things, nervousness, fears that bad things are going to happen etc. it can affect everyday life as it's hard to stop myself from worrying about some things and it can be a real distraction. It can go one of two ways, say for example I'm really nervous about an interview I have coming up. I will either worry excessively and not be able to stop thinking about what could happen and not be able to focus on other things very well, or I will push it out of my head until the last minute, when all of those worries come flooding in, because I'd suppressed them for so long it's almost like it explodes in my head all at once and I almost go into a state of panic.  

Something I worry/think about a lot is the future, as I know many of you do too. Because I'm still unsure of what I'd like to do with my future, especially career wise. It makes me worry and feel like I'm running out of time to make my mind up. I've always been afraid of having to settle somewhere just because of getting comfortable in that one place. It's a fear that once I become comfortable somewhere, even if it's not where I really want to be, that I'd fear leaving it too much and just stay there forever. So it's almost like I'm avoiding making any decisions and going into anything now, so I can avoid that happening and not have to make a decision on it in the future. If that makes any sense at all. Forever just feels like such a permeant, nerve-racking thought that I can't seem to shake.  


Emotional symptoms of Anxiety can include;

~ Constant worries running through your head. 
~ Feeling like your anxiety is uncontrollable; there is nothing you can do to stop the worrying. 
~ Thoughts about things that make you anxious; which you can't avoid thinking of. 
~ Not being able to tolerate uncertainty; you need to know what’s going to happen in the future. 
~ Worrying about worrying and about your fears so much that you can't focus on other things. 

And some Physical symptoms could include;

~ Feeling tense; having muscle tightness or body aches. 
~ Having trouble falling asleep, staying asleep or getting up. 
~ Not being able to sit still; Feeling edgy, restless, or jumpy. 
~ Stomach problems, nausea. 
~ Reoccurring headaches, migraines, dizziness.   
~ Sudden changes in appetite, often changing of weight gain/loss. 


If you're experiencing some of the above you may also be suffering with some form of anxiety, and you don't have to suffer in silence with it, you're not as alone as you may think ♡









"How long is forever?"
"Sometimes, just one second." 

~ Alice and the White Rabbit