Depression

Hey guys,

So as you can tell, the topic of this update is depression, so here goes. 


At the moment I guess I'm not in the best of places my self, but I'm not fully at my worst. When I am at my worst I won't want to leave my room, never mind my house. I lose interest in the things that would usually distract me or keep me going, and nothing sounds more appealing to me than being curled up in bed listening to music, away from the rest of the world. I lose all desire to do anything and avoid as much communication as possible. Usually I just feel like I need to be left alone to get through it by myself and have the time I need, but that way it can become very easy for me to get stuck in this rut that it takes me a while to get out of. I know sometimes a bit of encouragement and support can go a long way, but it's hard for me to listen to and appreciate any positive advice and what other people think I should do, because I seem to go into this defensive mode where the "No one understands me, or cares" and the "Everyone's against me" thoughts seem to go around in my head. 

Usually putting on a front in public is something I'm pretty used to if I'm honest, but when I'm at my worst that itself just doesn't seem possible. If I have to leave the house when I'm feeling this way I have very teary eyes, I feel tense, insecure and just horrible. It's the worst feeling I've experienced along side panic attacks. 


 Fortunately, though I have a pretty much non existent social life, I do have a family who care and try to support me, and have been doing so for years. Even if sometimes I can't see it and I just think their complaining and pushing me into things, I know they're doing it for my own good. And I appreciate that in my own way once I come out of the other side of it, however long that may take. There's just a lot of differences of opinions, and them constantly wanting to do what's best for me that sometimes makes us clash. I don't suppose it's nice for them seeing me go through some of the things I have been through, but sometimes it feels like they need to remember its not been great for me being the one actually going through it either. 

A majority of the time I just think that my room is my comfort zone, where I feel safe and at ease, so why should I have to leave it? But I have realised that sometimes it can be for the best. Sometimes, with support and encouragement, you just need to try and push yourself out of this, get back on your feet and keep trying. Sure, take the time you need to help yourself feel better, but don't become too comfortable and too afraid to try and help yourself to get well again, I've done it enough myself. And nothing good has come from it. In fact I do it almost every time. I take some time for myself, and that time just doesn't seem to end, I get too comfortable in staying in this little bubble I have at home and don't see any point in changing it. I just keep telling myself that I need more time, which doesn't solve anything, it's just a hard habit to change. 


Some of the signs and symptoms of Depression; 

~ Trouble sleeping; can't get to sleep, keep waking up, difficulty getting up. 
~ Finding it difficult to concentrate and focus on tasks. 
~ Strong feelings of being hopeless and helpless. 
~ Over eating or complete loss of appetite. 
~ Complete loss of interest in things that you would usually enjoy. 
~ Find it hard to control negative thoughts and emotions. 
~ Feeling more irritable, short tempered, aggressive, or restless than usual. 
~ You have thoughts that life is not worth living; Self-harm and suicidal tendencies.  
~ Consuming more alcohol than normal or engaging in reckless behaviour. 
~ Reoccurring worries that you're going crazy or mad. 


If you have been experiencing any of the above for a while with no change you could be suffering with a form of Depression. Please don't just "put up with it" seek professional guidance and advice. 


I understand not everyone is receiving support. Which is partly the reason for me setting up my blog and email, to give support to those of you who don't get it anywhere else. You're going through a hard enough time as it is, without not having someone to talk to. Everyone falls down every now and then and just needs someone to help pick them up, that's what I'm here for. And remember, you're not as alone as you may think ♡













"Have I gone mad?"
"I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."


~ Alice and The Mad Hatter